The #1 ingredient you need to practice REAL self-care
I'll be honest, I love a good Instagram carousel post featuring some self-care hacks or tips, and I’ll give you a double tap or save the post for later. That’s how it goes these days, right?
AND
While I love the promotion of self-care on social media, if I'm honest with myself, some of what I see on self care feels like Band-Aids and some of my wounds need stitches. They care I see only provides that surface-level cover.
Sometimes Band-Aids just aren’t enough.
On most days we won't need more than that bandage — we can get by with a quick fix. However, other wounds are deeper and we can easily forget or get distracted by putting a bandage on a trauma that has deeper roots. It’s so easy to slip back into bad habits and accept routine stresses as the norm and wait for a day when we have "time."
It’s so easy to forget about the “self” part in self-care because it sounds like a passive concept.
If you’re regularly saying you need a self-care day or can’t quite seem to fit this into your hectic, busy schedule or life, you’re missing the most important ingredient of what self-care actually is: an active, ongoing commitment to being loved. In Nahuatl rooted (pachoa) spanish adapted word for self love invites us to an active exercise of receiving love and care from others.
Today I invite you to apapachar — to commit to receive love from yourself.
You are commit to so many things outside of yourself — your work, your family, your partner, and maybe even your community. So why is it so hard to commit to YOU? The life you’re living is yours. The body you’re living in is yours.
The responsibilities, obligations, and your love for those closest to you aren’t more important than you. Sure, it can feel like that. But how can you expect to take care or help those around you if you’re barely keeping your head above water? More importantly how will they learn it's important to take care of themselves if you're sacrificing yourself at the altar.
There’s a lot to say about our society. It’s actively glamorized hustle culture, working an endless amount of overtime, and that Joneses lifestyle. I think all this competition between what you SHOULD be and who you are can explain the need for self-care for a lot of us.
Commit to yourself.
So it’s no surprise that the word “commitment” may slip past your radar. Let’s knock it back into your orbit today.
A commitment to love yourself is an act of self love. How many times have you thought (or even said) that you want to:
Make more time for yourself
Say no more to others who don’t appreciate you
Dedicate some time to that hobby you’ve almost forgotten about
Reach out to those you love more often
Every time you leave your desires unmet, you’re pushing yourself + your needs to tomorrow. For a lot of us, tomorrow *never* comes.
You may have only bought into the idea of self-care because it’s easy or fun. But I want you to understand that self-care is more than just a smell-good bubble bath or a day at a bougie spa.
It’s a commitment to yourself and also a way for you to say that YOU choose yourself. In a world so connected and chaotic, it’s so easy to feel like everyone else around you doesn’t see you. I promise, you’re seen. But sometimes you need that extra reassurance. In those moments, it’s okay for that person who you want to see you to be you.
Every time you leave your desires unmet, you’re pushing yourself + your needs to tomorrow. For a lot of us, tomorrow *never* comes.
What I’m NOT saying.
I’m not saying that you have to decline all your appointments or skip out on all your family events coming up to commit to yourself. Those responsibilities and existing obligations don’t magically go poof. They’ll still be there.
What I want you to get out of this is that one of the best ways to care of the world that relies on you, is to teach the world around you how to commit to loving themselves. By giving yourself the meaningful space to repeatedly recover, relax, and reenergize, you boost and nourish how consciously show up to your own commitments and model a culture of self care and mutual aid.
As you can see it is more than a give and take.
It’s all about finding the right balance without sacrificing yourself in the process.
It is a commitment to caring for caregivers.
Let tomorrow be TODAY.
Self-care can mean different things to everyone. But at its core lies one word: commitment. Making and keeping commitments to yourself should be as equally important to you as the ones you honor with others.
I want you to start today. And keep going. if you're like me, you'll probably fall back on defaults sometimes. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just notice what threw you off and course correct. Making a long term commitment to self-care is a process of unlearning and trading in that lifestyle you should have for the one you actually want.
You are worth it.
Honoring commitments with yourself is the ultimate way to love yourself. When you do, you'll start feeling alive again, reclaim your dreams, and level up your life in slow and steady steps!